As I discribed earlier I have a Perianal fistula as a symptom of Crohn's. The most common medical term is a fistula in ano. I have to say it embarreses me everytime I hear or have to say that name. When people ask me what it is I have, I tend to avoid the 'ano' part. I just say I have a fistula. To people more close to me I say I have a fistula in my butt. I don't feel like I'm lying, because it is in my butt, just somewhat closer to my ano..
The first time I had to call in sick for work because of this (and before I knew it was a fistula starting as an abscess) I really had to think hard of what my reason for calling in sick was gonna be. The real reason was that I had so much pain in my ano that I could barely sit. And I work at an office, so sitting is what I do most time of the day. I decided to tell the truth because that usually works best. I think my boss thought it was a little bit strange. My colleagues soon started to make jokes about me maybe start using a inflatable duckring. Funny guys;) I don't mind that type of jokes, if someone I know told me they couldn't sit i'd probably make the same kind of jokes.
I don't like people to see me naked. I started to lock the bathroom door when I was 12 years old and only my boyfriends have seen me naked. I even avoid sauna's because of this. Don't ask me why, I just do. It's not that I dislike my body or anything, I just don't see the point in walking around in your naked butt. When you have a fistula in ano, that whole I don't want anybody to see me naked part becomes kind of a problem.. It seems like everytime I have to visit a doctor they want to see my butt! The first times this felt really uncomfortable, but when your in so much pain, you actually forget the whole showing your naked butt thing. If I had to count I think about 100 doctors and (home)nurses have seen my butt and I can keep counting. I've gotten used to it, and actually I'm kind of proud of my butt..
It's not only my butt. When your in the hospital, you're privacy is gone. Sometimes I was to weak to take a shower so a nurse would wash me in my bed or a nurse guided me to the shower and stayed there to help me take a shower. And although this also was something I had to get used to, I was actually glad they helped me taking a shower. I forgot about beeing naked. So in the end, this stupid fistula has helped me get over the whole naked thing and I am proud to say I'm not scared of sauna's anymore:)
What I can't get used to is when they have to feel or look inside my ano thing. I know it's just a hole, just not the hole I want people to take a look at. It's not pretty or anything, I don't know.. For a doctor an ano is probably just as normal as a finger or something, at least that's what I keep telling myself. It just keeps beeing awkward. One nurse told me I should kinda be glad they can operate on me through my ano, otherwise they would have to make cut's in my belly. I guess I'am glad that they don't have to scar me anywhere else besides the open wounds on my butt. I have this friend who wants to get pregnant for a long time and somehow she just can't. She told me that numerous doctors have taken a look inside her virgina. We weren't really sure what was best, haha.. I guess we just deal with it and hope all this hole peaking will help in making us better.
The first time I had to call in sick for work because of this (and before I knew it was a fistula starting as an abscess) I really had to think hard of what my reason for calling in sick was gonna be. The real reason was that I had so much pain in my ano that I could barely sit. And I work at an office, so sitting is what I do most time of the day. I decided to tell the truth because that usually works best. I think my boss thought it was a little bit strange. My colleagues soon started to make jokes about me maybe start using a inflatable duckring. Funny guys;) I don't mind that type of jokes, if someone I know told me they couldn't sit i'd probably make the same kind of jokes.
I don't like people to see me naked. I started to lock the bathroom door when I was 12 years old and only my boyfriends have seen me naked. I even avoid sauna's because of this. Don't ask me why, I just do. It's not that I dislike my body or anything, I just don't see the point in walking around in your naked butt. When you have a fistula in ano, that whole I don't want anybody to see me naked part becomes kind of a problem.. It seems like everytime I have to visit a doctor they want to see my butt! The first times this felt really uncomfortable, but when your in so much pain, you actually forget the whole showing your naked butt thing. If I had to count I think about 100 doctors and (home)nurses have seen my butt and I can keep counting. I've gotten used to it, and actually I'm kind of proud of my butt..
It's not only my butt. When your in the hospital, you're privacy is gone. Sometimes I was to weak to take a shower so a nurse would wash me in my bed or a nurse guided me to the shower and stayed there to help me take a shower. And although this also was something I had to get used to, I was actually glad they helped me taking a shower. I forgot about beeing naked. So in the end, this stupid fistula has helped me get over the whole naked thing and I am proud to say I'm not scared of sauna's anymore:)
What I can't get used to is when they have to feel or look inside my ano thing. I know it's just a hole, just not the hole I want people to take a look at. It's not pretty or anything, I don't know.. For a doctor an ano is probably just as normal as a finger or something, at least that's what I keep telling myself. It just keeps beeing awkward. One nurse told me I should kinda be glad they can operate on me through my ano, otherwise they would have to make cut's in my belly. I guess I'am glad that they don't have to scar me anywhere else besides the open wounds on my butt. I have this friend who wants to get pregnant for a long time and somehow she just can't. She told me that numerous doctors have taken a look inside her virgina. We weren't really sure what was best, haha.. I guess we just deal with it and hope all this hole peaking will help in making us better.
